Supernova
by colorless ideas
Summary: A supernova is a stellar explosion. It causes a burst of radiation that often briefly outshines an entire galaxy. - JB set sometime during New Moon.
1. How many special people change

**Disclaimer: **_the Twilight series' characters as well as the implied plots all belong to Ms. Meyer and whoever else that might have claimed them. I am not Stephenie Meyer so none of this belongs to me. Although, if they did, Jacob and Bella would've had a different resolving, as you'll see…_

**A/N.: **This is my first attempt of a Twilight story. I made sure to wait till I was done with all four books – even though this story takes place during New Moon – so I could get much of the characters' traits as possible. I'm not sure I did it right with both Jacob and Bella, but I hope it's close enough. Constructive criticism is _always_ welcome and would help me a lot! So after you're done reading this short first chapter, please, leave me a review with your thoughts about it. I've already got a few more pages written and I have a couple of ideas of where to go with this story, but I'd love to hear it from you as well. So enough about me and onto the reading!

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_A __**supernova**__ is a __stellar __explosion__.  
They are extremely luminous and cause a burst of radiation that often briefly outshines an entire __galaxy__  
before fading from view over several weeks or months.  
During this short interval, a supernova can __radiate__ as much __energy__ as the __Sun__ could emit over its life span_.

--

Ever so slowly her eyelids opened and she blinked as a few stranded hairs tried to poke her in the eye. The window was only half-open and the dim light that was glistening in was being kept away by the messy hair on her face. A groan escaped her throat as she tossed on the bed and buried her face on the pillow; never minding the bedroom door noisily opening up. She heard the heavy footsteps that purposely dragged across the floor to stop next to her.

"'Morning, Bells" there was a smile on his voice.

She mumbled something on the pillow and then felt the bed rocking as he dropped his body to seat next to her with a loud sigh.

"So what do you want to do today?" he asked keeping his smile.

"Sulk."

"Uh" he mused for a moment, "I was thinking more like riding the bikes over the cliff and going for a swim."

Her eyebrows furrowed deeper as her head snapped up. The smile was still there. She didn't understand the cause of such good mood but she understood she didn't share whatever reason that was. One of her brows rose and she pursed her lips.

"You look slightly like my good friend Jacob. Except you sound a lot perkier than him… have you seen him around?"

He rolled his eyes and she saw that as cue to drop back on the pillow.

"That's cute. You're joking so you're not that bad, come on" he stood up and tugged on her hand, "Up the bed."

"No!" she whined pulling her hand back.

Keeping his grip of her hand, he sighed, "I could just easily get you up with just my pinky, you know?"

She snorted and rolled her face up to glare at him, "Your _pinky_? Aren't you thinking just a tad too highly of yourself?"

"You think I can't?"

"I know you can't" she tried one more time to pull her hand back but he stopped her again.

"Is that a challenge?"

His eyes were suddenly intense and serious unlike the faint smile that kept still on his lips. For a moment Bella thought she'd have to back away because she was sure he was right and could easily do it, but she was also very unwilling to get off the bed and anything that would stall that action was welcome to her.

Matching the aggravated expression on Jacob's face, she lifted her neck just enough to tilt her head to the side.

"I dare you."

On one swift move, his hand slipped between her body and the mattress and she could feel the palm of his hand against her stomach. She flinched and tightened the grip on her pillow at the same time as she gasped.

"Jacob!"

The corner of his mouth twisted up to a smirk as his palm danced beneath her for a moment before she felt something poking her up. Her pajama top was rolled up so his pinky was touching her bare skin and as it wiggled under her it caused her to giggle. She tried to stifle her laugh but it came out as a snore. One of her hands flew to cover her mouth and she started to squirm on the bed.

"You're cheating" he shook his head.

"You're tickling!" she managed to let out between her muffled giggles.

His smirk widened into a full smile. His pinky danced a little longer and soon Bella was kicking her feet in the air and throwing her head back on the pillow while roaring with laughter.

"Jake" she gasped, "Stop it!"

The tip of his tongue stuck out of his mouth, "You're not off the bed yet."

She huffed, "Fine!"

Still laughing, she rolled to the other side of the bed and got up, standing next to the window across the room from where he was standing. Her hair was as messy as it could get and her top was still rolled up just above her bellybutton. That hadn't registered in her mind until she noticed him gawking below her face. She glanced down to follow his stare and quickly fixed her pajama with one hand and tried to smooth her hair with the other. She suddenly felt self-conscious.

He saw her cheeks flushing and realized he had been staring. He cleared his throat and then threw his hand in the air with a forced smile.

"I win."

Her mouth twitched to the side and she crossed her arms against her chest, "You cheater."

"You're up" he pointed it out wiggling his pinky in the air, "And this is all I used."

"I got up by myself!"

"What made you change your mind?" he smiled warmly.

"You tickling!" she accused.

"With…?"

"Agh!"

"My pinky" he finished it for her with a very satisfied smile on his face. Then he clapped, "Shall we go or you wanna change first?"

Defeated, Bella blew her hair away from her face and threw her hands to her sides, "I'll change."

Jacob quickly took his place on the bed as he spread himself on it, locking his ankles by the foot of the bed and crossing his arms behind his head. He wiggled his eyebrows and got a scoff in response.

"In the bathroom" she explained gathering her jeans and a t-shirt.

She changed her clothes, carelessly brushed her hair so it wouldn't look like she had just rolled out of the bed – as she had –, brushed her teeth and made her way down the stairs. It wasn't surprising to find him behind the counter fixing breakfast for both of them. Jacob was a good friend and he had been proving that constantly for the last few months.

The stool squeaked when she pulled it back to take a seat on it. The cereal and milk was already poured inside the bowl in front of her. She grabbed the spoon and scooped some of it to casually chew a little.

"So what do you want to do?"

The question surprised her, "I thought we were riding the bikes and swimming."

"Bella, please" he chuckled, "Be serious."

She rolled her eyes all the way back, "I don't know."

He was already finishing his second bowl of cereal when he offered her options, "We could go down to La Push and hang by the beach."

"It's too cold" she shook her head.

"You wanted to swim" he reminded her.

She shrugged and kept her eyes deep inside the bowl before half-whispering, "I wanted to cliff-dive."

He scooped another spoon of cereal, finishing his second bowl. Before Bella could realize he was back from the living room with the newspaper in hands and laying down for her to read with him.

"We could watch a movie."

She shrugged unexcitedly and browsed through their options. Horror movie, as always.

...

They got to Port Angeles and checked the cinema schedule. The next session wasn't on for another three and a half hours. Bella recalled the little bookstore she once saw down the main road and took Jacob there to kill time and try to introduce him to the world of classic literature. He didn't seem all that impressed but humored her by spending almost two hours browsing through the books with her. When he sighed and his stomach growled for the millionth time, she took the hint and they left for the mall's food court. Her own stomach was starting to complain without her noticing. They grabbed some food and strolled around the stores with Bella barely noticing the windows as they passed by. Jacob had a firm grip of her hand and towed her around always babbling about the first random thing that popped into his head. He didn't want to leave the silence for her mind to wander.

Halfway through the movie, Bella nodded off and lolled her head on Jacob's broad shoulder. He inhaled sharply when he felt the contact and slowly exhaled not to wake her up. She didn't even move as the credits rolled up. He gently nudged her and helped her up. As they walked back to the car, she yawned once or twice.

"You didn't like the movie" he ventured a guess.

"Hum?" she blinked and glanced up to him. She saw his eyebrows pulled together and the question finally sunk in. She nodded dully, "Yes, I did."

"You fell asleep."

One of her shoulders went up and down on a shrug, "I just snoozed off a little" and then another yawn, "I'm tired."

As she closed her mouth from the next yawn, Jacob helped her up to get inside the car. He buckled her up and circled the car in a split of second to take his seat as the driver. The drive back was quiet since Bella quickly fell asleep with her head leaned against the rolled up window. She mumbled once or twice but nothing that Jacob could understand the meaning. It was almost like she was whining but he wasn't sure. At a certain point of the road the car hit a bump which made Bella jump on her seat.

"Where are we going?" she asked glancing outside the window. Her vision was still a little blurry from the sleep but she was trying to make it out her whereabouts.

Jacob turned to her with a small smile, "Back to La Push. Charlie's on the fishing trip and you shouldn't spend the night alone" he heard her mumble as an answer, "Unless you prefer your place. I could crash there if you wanna sleep on your own bed or something."

"Hum, no" Bella turned on her seat to get a more comfortable position and drift off again, "Your bed is fine."

They got to La Push in less than an hour later. Bella was already or still fast asleep so not to wake her up completely; Jacob gently pulled her out on his arms and carried her inside the house. She nestled her head against his chest as he walked to the back of the house and into his bedroom. He carefully placed her on his bed and she automatically reached for his pillow, pressing it against her body to snuggle with it. He let out a low chuckle at the scene and left the bedroom to get something to eat before go to sleep.

…

Rolling on the bed, Bella heard a growing snarl coming from somewhere close to her. Snapping up on a jolt, she glanced around in the dark room. Her heart raced fast against her chest as she tried to make out the shadows that surrounded her. Squinting, she managed to see Jacob's large figure sleeping on chair close to the window. He had his head hanging back on the wall and his legs stretched out with his huge feet resting by the foot of the bed as his open mouth let out the snores that woke her.

Bella rubbed one of her puffy eyes, "Jake" she called out on a whisper. He snorted louder, "Jake!" she hissed but he didn't seem to have heard her. Sighing, she picked up the pillow from behind her and threw against him, hitting him on the head, "Jacob!"

He snapped his head up on a startle, "What?!" his eyes darted around the room quickly as he sat up trying to find the source of the danger.

Bella threw herself back against the mattress, "What are you doing sleeping there?"

He shrugged, "It's more comfortable than it looks" he answered already readjusting himself on the chair.

"Really" she doubted scooting to one of the sides of the bed to make empty room and hugging another pillow, "C'mon. If you don't kick me I think I can squeeze you in."

Bringing the pillow she threw at him before; Jacob got up and went to lay on the bed next to Bella. She had her back turned to him as she faced the wall across the room. He laid on his back to stare at the ceiling with both of his hands behind his head. In less than five minutes they were already back to sleep with Jacob's snore filling the room again.

A few hours later, she woke up filling hot. She felt an unusual weight pinning her down against the bed. Glancing around, she found Jacob's arm draped around her waist from behind her. She thought of squirming away from him but she felt a chill coming from the open window. Sleepily, she pushed further back against his chest and rested her face against his other arm. She felt him digging his face against the top of her head, absentmindedly as he tightened his grip.

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_Remember to review with your thoughts, please! -wink-_


	2. Caught beneath the landslide

**A.N.: **_I'm so sorry on the delay to update this story, but I got sick this week and had to take a break. I've been working on chapter 3 but it's not that close to be done yet so the next update might take a couple of weeks or more. To make it up to you, though, this update is longer than the first one. So enjoy! And thanks so much for the nice reviews. Oh and _**jaro's pickles **_I saw that the site messed up your review, it's done that to me once too. It sucks! But I appreaciate you reviewing on my oneshot as well (hinthint go check my profile if you haven't read yet hinthint). Also, I changed the rate to T to be safe and because of future chapters.  
_

_Happy reading!_

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Tossing and turning, she felt the walls around her closing down. She gasped for air that never came. Tightening her eyes closer shut, she whimpered. She felt pressure on her shoulders and then her world shook. Her eyes shot open and she felt the heat wave that came against her face, flushing her cheeks.

"It's okay" Jacob whispered in the dark, rubbing her shoulders together, "It was just a dream."

She glanced up and found herself facing him. He had a worried expression on his face as his eyebrows pulled down together, wrinkling his forehead. His lips were pressed on a hard, thick line as he watched her reaction.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah" she tried to nod, "I was just… scared" she admitted glancing away from him.

He tried to find her eyes again but she wouldn't look up at him, "Well, I'm here to protect you so you don't have to be scared" his voice was light like he was trying to joke around. She still didn't meet his eyes till he remembered her calling his name just seconds ago, "Was I in the dream?" she tried to nod again, "What was I doing?"

"You were helping me" she confided on a murmur.

"To do what?" he pressed, lifting her chin with one finger.

She finally glanced up to him with teary eyes, "Find my way back."

His lips broke on side smile once he heard her words. She only held his gaze for a moment before the tears started to stream down her cheeks. He brought one hand down to wipe away the tears but they kept coming down even harder. Bella shivered and Jacob promptly pulled her closer to his chest. She broke down in soft sobs as he felt her tears roll down his skin and quickly dry up against his warmth. He ran one hand up and down her back to try and soothe her.

…

Bella felt the ray of sun heat her face and shoved her head under the pillow. She kicked the cover and by doing that she noticed the extra space on the bed. Peeking from under the pillow she saw a pair of long legs standing next to the bed. She looked up.

"Made you some coffee."

Jacob was standing up holding a mug filled with black coffee on his hands and waiting for Bella to wake up. She sat up on the bed and fixed the covers over her, "Thanks" she took the mug and a sip of the drink.

He took a seat by the edge of the bed and his body weight bounced on the mattress, making Bella bob up and down on her spot, "How are you feeling?"

"Better" she answered on a reflex. She took another sip and then bit her bottom lip, "And a little embarrassed."

That was the first time since last January that Bella had cried in front of him. Really cried. Jacob had been wondering how long it would take for her to breakdown like that, since he didn't think she had before. Part of him was relieved that he had been there to help when she finally did.

"Don't" he tried to comfort her. They got quiet for a moment and he watched her finish her coffee before glancing out the open window, "It's unusually sunny. Wanna go out?"

She nodded silently.

…

It was rare to see the beach somewhat crowded. It wasn't exactly hot outside, but the sun was shining bright and there was a warm breeze blowing from the ocean. The beach had mostly families with their little ones running back and forth from the water to build sandcastles. Jacob and Bella walked to their familiar tree and she took a seat. He took his shirt off and tossed it on the sand at her feet before running for the water. She chuckled as she compared him to the toddlers doing almost the same. She picked up his shirt, shook the sand off and folded it neatly, resting it on her legs.

Ten minutes later he was back dripping wet and shaking his shaggy hair, splashing her face with salty water. She whined and he boomed a laugh. Dropping to his butt, he sat on the sand and caught his breath. She hiked her skirt slightly to stop in the middle of her thighs so he could rest his head against her knees without soaking her clothes. She absentmindedly played with a stranded lock of his hair.

"Jake?"

"Hum?" he hummed without looking up.

She was quiet and for a moment he thought she had gave up speaking, "What happens when you imprint?"

He frowned but still didn't look up, "I've already told you what happens. And you've seen Sam and Emily."

"No…" she cleared her throat, "What happens when _you_ imprint?"

He shook his head still leaning against her knees, "I won't. It's really rare."

"It happened to Sam and Quil" she explained on a soft voice, "Maybe it's more common than you think it is."

Sitting up, he then raised his head to meet her eyes, "Doesn't matter. I won't."

She held his stare; pained by the determination on his eyes, "How do you know that?" she could feel she'd regret the question the moment it escaped her lips.

"What I already feel… for you, it's too strong" he could see she was uncomfortable whenever he was openly talking about his feelings for her, but he didn't stop, "I can't think of anything stronger enough to break it; to make me forget."

She frowned at the last word, forgetting the awkwardness she was supposed to be feeling at the moment, "Forget?"

Jacob nodded once, "Sam can't remember feeling love for Leah. I mean, he knows he did, but he can't remember what it felt like. He can only feel Emily."

Bella breathed out and turned her attention at the waves, "Leah didn't forget. Even I can see how much she still loves him. It pains her to see them happy together. It hurts that he's not making _her _happy anymore."

There was a brief silence when the wind blew colder against them.

"I'm not him" he knew she understood he didn't mean Sam, "I won't hurt you. Ever."

She shook her head holding back a few tears and still looking ahead, "You won't be able to avoid it."

His lips twitched and he smirked up to her, resting his head once again against her knees and rubbing his wet hair against her skin, "Then I'll never look at another girl in my life. Only you."

…

The light on the garage was already too dim that Bella had to squint to see the tools hanging from the walls around her. Jacob had been bent over a piece of car engine for the last half an hour as she sat on the front seat of his Rabbit with her face between her hands. Her eyelids started to feel heavy and she slowly closed them, slumping on her seat and leaning against the car frame.

"You're bored."

Jacob's voice brought her back up, "Huh?" he was still focused on the engine, "I just didn't sleep very well."

Still working on the piece of car in front of him, he raised his head to look at her with careful eyes, "You wanna talk about the nightmares?" she shook her head, "You should go home to sleep" he placed his tool on the floor and grabbed a rag to clean off his hands, "I think Charlie's back from his trip by now. C'mon, I'll drive you home."

He helped her out and around to the passenger's seat before driving her back to Forks. They really didn't talk the whole way there. Once at the house they saw Charlie's cruise parked out front. Jacob walked her inside and Charlie thanked him for taking care of Bella. He said he hadn't done more than he should. Bella's eyes were still heavy but she managed to keep them open long enough to hug Jacob goodbye. He tightened the hug and breathed the scent from her hair. She chuckled at that and placed a light kiss on his chest, positive that he had barely felt that, before calling it a night to Charlie too.

…

She was dreaming again. She had to be. There was no more running, no more walls closing in on her. The colors were bright and she could feel the wind brushing against her skin. She let out a huge sigh before rolling to the other side of the bed. She clutched to the pillow before mumbling and tossing around again. His name escaped her lips again once or twice before she could breathe again. She couldn't breathe at all anymore. She tossed again and tried to reach the air that never seem to come back. She gasped and felt the earth move below her feet.

"Bella."

She sat up on a jump, gripping on the arms around her, "Jacob!"

"Are you ok?" he searched for something on her face. His expression was the same as when he woke her the night before, "It was just a dream, Bells" he reassured her.

Yeah, it had to be. She kept her grip on his arms for support as she tried to unsuccessfully even her breathing. She was panting as the air slowly filled her lungs again. His arms loosened around her as he retracted them.

"I'm gonna get you some water."

"No!" she pulled his arms back on an instinct before shaking her head, "What – what are you doing here?" she blinked confused.

He sat back on the bed, "Patrolling. I came to check on you to make sure you were ok and heard you calling my name. Was I helping you again?" she glanced away shaking her head. He followed her stare trying to figure why she couldn't look at him, "I wasn't attacking you either, was I?"

There was an edge to his voice that made her look up to him and shake her head again, reassuringly, "No…" but then her own embarrassment faulted her one more time as she blushed and she was sure he had caught on that.

"What?" his lips turned back up on a pleased smirk, "I think I wanna hear about this dream."

She rolled her eyes and shoved him back on the bed, "Go away, Jake."

"C'mon, tell me about it!" he tried to take her arms again but she flinched away.

"No!"

He tilted his head to the side watching as she kept blushing, "If you tell me your dream I'll tell you one of mine. I dream about you all the time, you know?"

She clenched her teeth seeing the smirk that wasn't leaving his face, "Go. Away." she hissed.

"Alright" he raised his hands up in defeat but then crocked his head again with big puppy eyes, "Just tell anything! Where did it happen?"

Huffing, she threw the covers off her and got up, "I'm gonna get some water."

He followed her out of the bedroom, "I'm not even asking if you enjoyed 'cause I can still see you blushing" he teased with a chuckle.

"Shut up" she barked over her shoulder as they climbed down the stairs, "You'll wake up Charlie."

She got in the kitchen and quickly rushed to the cupboard. He was close behind her, "What were you wearing?" he whispered huskily on her ear.

She flinched away from him again, swatting his arm even though she was sure he hadn't felt that at all, "Jacob!" she tried really hard not to look at him, "It's not… it wasn't like that."

"Oh" he paced back and she breathed in relief thinking he had quit when she heard him snorting to himself, "You weren't wearing anything, then? Nice."

"Would you stop?" she swirled around with a harsh whisper. She shot a swift glance to the stairs to check if Charlie hadn't woken up and turned back to Jacob shaking her head with an empty glass in hand, "We weren't – it's not what you think."

"No?"

She contemplated telling him for a moment, "I really don't wanna talk about it."

"Aw, please?" he pulled his eyebrows together and raised them with a pleading face, "Ok, I promise I'll be good" he rose one hand in a solemn promise, "You can tell me, I won't interrupt you. Promise!"

She sighed, "You can't laugh either even if you think it's silly" she warned him.

"No laughing" he nodded.

Twitching her lips to the side she watched as he leaned over the counter in anticipation. She could barely hold back the chuckle, "Nope! I'm not telling you anything" she turned around and filled the glass with water.

"Bella!" he practically shrieked.

"Weren't you patrolling?" she asked and took a sip of the water, "You should go back to that."

He huffed and leaned back from the counter, "You're really not telling me?"

She shook her head, "'Night, Jake."

Before she could leave the kitchen, he grabbed her arm and turned her back around, "I need to focus on patrol. If you don't tell me about your dream I'll be distracted trying to figure out what it was about and won't do my job right. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not."

"Then, please, tell me."

Caught between Jacob and the doorframe, Bella knew he wasn't going to let her go without telling him and she also knew there was no way she could get out of there by herself. The plead that crept on his eyes made her sigh and gather enough courage to tell him what he wanted to know.

"I imprinted. In the dream. With you" she blurted it out on a shaky breath. The intensity of his stare burned her cheeks and she glanced away. He still wouldn't say anything and she thought he was suppressing a laugh, "I told you it was silly…"

She tried to shake it off but before she could move again she felt her back pressed against the doorframe and Jacob closer to her. His eyes were even more intense now. She had to catch her breath for a moment.

"What did it feel like?" he whispered so low she wasn't sure he had actually said the words out loud.

"Like you were everywhere" she started on the same low whisper but then picked it up a little higher, "I could only see you even if I was surrounded by people. We were at the beach and there were all those people and I wanted to reach you on the other side. I called for you and you met me halfway. We kissed and when we stopped there wasn't anyone around us anymore. I couldn't tell if we had kissed for that long or if the people simply disappeared but I didn't care. It was all about you. I couldn't pull away. Then we kissed again and… you woke me up" she shrugged very lightly at the end.

Jacob hadn't realized he had been holding his breath throughout her explanation. With a quick exhale, he took one hand to brush against her right cheek, "That's already how I feel about you" he smiled carefully, "See why I'm sure I won't imprint? I've already chosen you. I can't help it anymore."

"Jake…" she sighed pressing her face closer to the palm of his hand, "It's too strong."

He nodded, "Yes, it is."

"Does it hurt you?" her voice broke, "Do I hurt you?"

His lips pressed together on a hard line as he frowned, "Only when you're hurting."

"I'm sorry" she felt her eyes burning with tears flooding them.

"I'm not" he shook his head and brought his face closer to hers. They were just inches apart from each other. He inhaled deeply, taking in her scent, "I love you, Bella."

"But I don't –" she started but he cut her off.

"Yes, you do" his eyes were smiling even though his lips were still pressed together.

"It's not the same" she tried to reason.

"Are you sure? You just felt it."

"In a dream, Jacob" she shook her head fighting the tears that were slowly starting to stream down her face, "It was just a dream."

He leaned a bit closer and smiled with his lips now, "Dreams come true."

"I don't…"

"Here" he placed his other hand on her hipbone, squeezing it, and brought her body closer to his, "Does it feel the same?"

Bella didn't have the time to process the question or even answer it. Jacob's lips were already on hers as he pushed her against the doorframe. The edge of the wood poked her lower back and she whimpered against his mouth. He snaked his hand behind her and pulled her closer to his chest, intensifying the kiss. It didn't feel like the dream, it felt different, it felt real. Now she was sure she had been dreaming before because then she couldn't feel his heart thumping against her chest, mimicking her own heartbeat. The hand that had been cupping her face was now slipping to the back of her head and keeping her locked on his kiss. She brought her own hands up, one around his neck and the other knotting between the locks of his shaggy hair at the base of his head. She parted her lips and allowed him in. Now it was their kiss.

The hand around her waist went up and down her back, pulling her even closer. She got on the tip of her toes, using his neck as leverage at the same time as he lowered his head to reach her jaw and trail the line with the same passionate kisses all the way back up to her ear. He nibbled her ear and whispered 'I love you' again. She felt a shiver coming up her spine and searched for his mouth again, crashing against him with her own. Both of his hands slipped down her ribs, making her quiver before kneading her waist and pulling her up to push against the doorframe again. She threw her hands on his hair, getting a fistful of them for support as he traced her bottom lip with his hot tongue. Bella felt overheating and losing track of the room around her till she noticed her surroundings lightening up.

Jacob tensed up against her and his lips stopped moving. Before she could frown and ask what was happening, he dropped her back to the floor with a thud.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" Charlie's voice boomed.

He was on his pajamas with his hair all tousled up and a baseball bat in one of his hands as the other leaned against the light switch.

"Dad!" Bella yelped in shock.

"Charlie, hey" Jacob's voice faltered in surprise but he quickly picked up his good mood again with one hand still on Bella's hips, "Sorry I –"

Charlie didn't fail to notice the boy still kept his touch while his daughter had one hand clapped over her mouth in shame, "It is 4 am, Jacob. What are you doing in my kitchen kissing my daughter? Does Billy know you're not home?"

"Dad, Jake was just…" Bella jumped in to help but was silenced when her father raised his baseball bat and pointed it toward the stairs.

"Go to your room, Bella."

"Dad…" she tried to protest.

"Isabella!"

Feeling the harsh tone of his voice, she shot a quick glance at Jacob who gave her hips a last squeeze before releasing her. Her eyes lingered a while longer on Charlie trying to read his expression to see just exactly how much trouble she was in. He seemed unpleased but not even half as irritated as he did when he first yelled at them just seconds ago. She breathed out and walked past him on her way up to her bedroom.

Laying on her bed, Bella was on top of the covers staring up. She tried to stay as still and quiet as possible to hear the exchanged between Charlie and Jacob downstairs. With no such luck to make out their conversation – if there really was any – she only heard the front door closing shut and then Charlie's feet dragging up the stairs. She waited for the knock that came a moment later. Charlie's head peeked through the door gap.

"You alright?" he asked with one eyebrow arched up.

She nodded while shuffling with the covers beneath her, "Yeah" she saw him turning around to leave and rushed, "How busted am I?"

Charlie only turned his head around by the door, "We'll talk about it in the morning. Get some sleep" he pressed a small smile and pulled the door shut, going to his bedroom.

Bella was left alone with the quietness of the night again. She could still feel the throbbing on her hipbones where Jacob had clutched her. One of her hands ran through her hair. She wasn't sure what had happened before in the kitchen and she tried to play it all again in her mind; but things still moved too fast for her to grasp in exactly what point she had lost control of the situation. That wasn't supposed to have happened, she knew it. Whatever feelings she was having for Jacob at that moment wasn't what he was feeling for her, it couldn't be. Not yet.

She closed her eyes and rolled to her side, curling up on a fetal position, hugging her knees close to her chest. The window still hung open and she could feel the soft wind blowing on her exposed lower back. She reached back and tugged at her pajama top to cover herself when she felt the warm large hand wrapping around her wrist. On a startle she sat up, letting her hair fall around her shoulders, framing her face with loose curls. Jacob's smile seemed to have never left his face when he reached to touch her cheeks. Bella didn't flinch, but felt uncomfortable sitting on her bed with him now. He pulled himself closer and suddenly she couldn't move. She wasn't even breathing anymore. He crooked his head to the side and pressed his lips just below her jaw line, his hair brushing against her ear. She felt him kissing her and moving along her jaw, slipping to her neck. Then she flinched. But he didn't seem to notice. She felt all of her muscles tense up and finally managed to squirm away from his grasp.

"Stop it" she mumbled dully moving further away.

Jacob frowned a little confused and tried to reach for her hand, but she retracted it, "What's wrong?"

"I can't" she shook her head avoiding to look at him, "I'm still…" she caught her breath when she realized the tears stream down her face again. She didn't want to cry this time so she sucked on a deeper breath and kept shaking her head.

Jacob ignored her silent protests and grabbed both of her hands on his, rubbing her knuckles gently as he watched her inner debate. She spoke on a voice so low it was nothing but a whisper.

"I'm not healed."

He squeezed her hands like he had received an electric shock. She cringed.

"It's him" he stated coldly.

Her head hadn't stop shaking, "I still m— it still hurts" she pulled one of her hands back, automatically wrapping her arm around her stomach. The hole she thought had been closing for the last couple of months was pounding at full forced as it arched her back forward so she could bare the pain it was causing her from the inside.

Taken aback by her reaction, Jacob remembered all of the times he had seen her clutch to herself like that. He knew it was physically hurting her to be away from the one he hated so much but he couldn't bring himself to focus on him anymore. It was her who was falling apart right in front of his eyes.

"Is it here?" he asked softly as he placed his hand on top of hers. She nodded crying.

Without breaking the contact between their hands, Jacob maneuvered himself on the bed so he could sit behind her and rest his back on headboard. He pulled her back closer to his chest and pressed her against him. He gently pulled her hand away from her stomach and replaced it with his own. The warmth from his palm started to very slowly numb the hole inside of her, but she could still feel it pounding and twisting. His free hand took one her hands and intertwined their fingers together. She carefully leaned her head back on his shoulder and cried till she could no longer keep her eyes open.

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	3. Find your way back home

**A/N.: **_I finished this chapter sooner than I expected, so here's an earlier update for you guys! This is my very first attempt ever to write on Bella's POV so bear with me here. I felt it was important to have her perspective on this chapter so I wrote it on her POV. The next chapter won't be on POV though, and I'm still not sure if I'll do this again. Maybe if I think the story demans it. I get too anxious writing on someone's point of view because I always want to tell what everybody else is feeling or thinking and I can't! Hee. _

_And also, thanks for reviewing, guys! I've noticed some people have beeing adding this story to their alerts or favorites but don't review. I'd like to ask you to, please, do it. It's just a button push and a line with something nice. It's really easy and makes me happy. So, pretty please? I love to hear it from you in response._

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It's been fourteen days since I broke down and sobbed my way to sleep – after my dad walked in on me and Jacob kissing in the kitchen. He was surprisingly cool about it in the next morning. He's too biased by his friendship with Billy and the fact that he knows Jacob since he was born to actually freak about the two of us. Even if it's in the middle of the night, in kitchen of his own house.

It's been thirteen days since I made a promise I wasn't sure I was able to keep. I'm still not. The morning after the sob fest wasn't easy. I tried my best to put on a brave face for Jacob, for Charlie and for myself. None of us deserved zombie-Bella again. The façade had probably been pretty good or maybe Jacob had been that hopeful but while we were having breakfast, he leaned over to kiss me. I was faintly sure he was aiming for the cheek but I flinched just in case. I could tell he was hurt by that but I couldn't lead him on anymore than I had already done it. I told him I wasn't ready, not for a long shot. He smiled his brightest smile and cooked his head to the side saying he'd wait for as long as I needed him to. And then he made me promise I'd tell him right away when I felt I was ready. I said I'd let him know, but the truth is I'm not sure I'll ever be.

To be ready for Jacob or anyone else meant to have let go of everything I was sure it would be my whole world for the next years of eternity. Forever is a long time but I was ready for that. For them. For _him_. I just didn't know how was I supposed to let got of that certainty, of that one true thing in my life for the last few months – maybe with the exception of the last six months. Has it really been that long? It's almost the same amount of time that the certainty lasted; eight months. I just couldn't, however, at this point even phantom the idea of having to reinvent myself; because that's what I'd need in order to let go. Reinvent myself, be a whole new person. A person that wouldn't need _him_ anymore. The very possibility made my stomach growl with the pain that teased to take over me again.

Other than the promise I was unsure to keep, things were back to the level of normality they had been before that night. I was still hanging out with Jacob a lot more than I probably should considering his feelings for me, but I just couldn't stop. Maybe I was being selfish but I couldn't get over how it felt to have him around. He was good for me, health-wise. He made me laugh and kept me sane and in pace with reality most of the time. But above all, I enjoyed his warm hand always wrapped around mine. I noticed in the last couple of weeks how he seemed to hold my hand a lot more than before. Whenever we were walking together his hand would find mine and hold it till we absolutely had to go apart. I didn't mind that at all, he didn't do it with second intentions, so I thought. He just seemed to be genuinely trying to keep me in one piece by holding me. I could never be grateful enough for Jacob.

Back to school things were sinfully uninteresting as it had been for me this senior year. I couldn't wait for it to be over. As I made my way down the hall after classes were over, I could barely make out what Jessica was yapping about with Angela. I didn't have to pay attention to know that Angela was probably tuning her out as well. I was focusing on my shoelaces when I stumbled on Mike's back. He had stopped dead on his track in front of me as we stepped outside the school building and I was ready to thank him for the no warning when he spoke in annoyance.

"Oh good, your bodyguard is here."

I tiptoed to glance over his shoulder and saw Jacob leaning against his Rabbit by the sidewalk. He had his arms crossed against his chest and was looking our way with a smirk. I heard the soft chuckle from Angela and then felt her pat me on the shoulder.

"Have a nice weekend, Bella" she smiled with a wink.

I wasn't sure about the wink but turned to wave at them anyway, "Bye, guys."

Mike grumbled something I couldn't and wasn't sure I wanted to understand as the rest waved me back and went on their ways. I skipped toward Jacob who had his arms stretched out for me and pulled me closer to his chest when I was on his reach. I rested my head against him and inhaled deeply. Weekends were much more welcome now because I could actually do something to distract myself other than staying in classes and drifting off to thoughts I didn't want to have.

"Interesting classes today?" his husky voice rumbled from his chest and echoed in my ear.

"I'm thanking God it's Friday."

He chuckled, "I'll take that as a 'no'."

I looked up to him with a shrug and he pulled away to open the door for me. I got in and threw my backpack over the headrest and buckled up. He was already sitting next to me and turning the car on as I peeled off my jacket. Being inside a Rabbit with an oversized werewolf was hot enough and made any kind of jacket highly unnecessary. I shuffled with the vent system when he sighed loudly to get my attention.

"So I have a surprise for you."

My hand froze on one of the dashboard's buttons as I turned to him with a frown, "What?"

"A surprise" he repeated like somehow that'd magically make sense, "I have a surprise for you."

"Jake" I groaned and sat back, "You know I don't like surprises."

He only shrugged and kept his eyes on the road. I needed more information to prepare myself, so I pressed, "Won't you give me a hint?"

"Nope" his lips popped at the second syllable.

I squirmed on my seat and started drumming my fingers against the dashboard. I was sure to be loud enough to annoy him as much as he was annoying me with this surprise business. Why couldn't people just accept the fact that I disliked surprises? Was it really that hard to go through life without wanting me to react badly to every failed attempt to surprise me pleasantly? Because time made sure to teach me there was no such thing.

Eyeing my fingers for a moment, he chuckled, "Patience is really not one of your virtues, is it?"

"Nope" my lips popped at the second syllable and he didn't fail to notice the sarcasm.

He shook his head still amused by my reaction and kept driving. At some point he turned the radio on and started to whistle to the rhythm of the song. I didn't recognize the artist or the song itself but the whistles came out of his lips carelessly and I was sure it had to be one of his favorites. I made an unconscious mental note to look for the name of the song later.

When we finally pulled over in front of his house, I unlocked my door in time to see Jacob bouncing his way to get it open for me. I frowned at his overexcitement and let out a low growl. He laughed at me.

"Lighten up, Bells! I'm not sending you to the slaughterhouse."

I groaned one more time to make my point and hopped off the car. He slammed the door shut behind me and grabbed my hand, leading the way to his house. I let him tow me around; carefully analyzing my surroundings trying to find anything different that might tip me off on what it was that he was up to. Unfortunately, everything looked exactly the same.

"C'mon" he rushed me as we walked through the living room. I arched my eyebrow when I saw he was leading me back to his bedroom.

"Does it have to be in there?"

"Yes" he sighed annoyed by my impatience. Good.

We entered the room and I stopped by the foot of the bed waiting for him to get over with it. He stopped by his dressed and pulled the first drawer open. With his cheekbones reaching up to his eyes as he smiled, Jacob stretched his hands over the drawer and let out a 'ta-da'. From where I was standing I couldn't see anything inside the drawer so I took one step on his direction and peeked in again. Still nothing.

"It's an empty drawer" I stated confused.

"Yes" he nodded.

"Whoa" I breathed out in relief, placing both hands on my hips, "This has to be the top worst surprise ever. And I really don't like them."

He rolled his eyes at me, "It's not the drawer, it's the space inside. It's yours."

"Why would I want space?" I was trying to follow his train of thought but I couldn't even manage to figure out what it was that I was supposed to be following.

"The space inside the drawer, Bella" he sighed and took one stop closer to me and it was all it took for him to be standing right by my side, "Do you realize that in the last month and a half you've spent every weekend here in this house?"

I mentally counted back the weeks trying to check if he was right. I distinctly remembered one weekend where I had to seat through endless game matches with Charlie as a birthday present and it was just the month before, "Not every weekend…"

"You're right, there was Charlie's birthday" he nodded as if reading my mind, "But other than that, you've spent every weekend here. Two nights every week."

I shifted my weight from my left leg to my right one waiting for him to conclude, "Okay."

"So I thought that you'd like to have some place to keep a pair of pajamas and a change of clothes for when you crash here. Maybe you'd like to actually change clothes after you shower, who knows?" he added the last part with a teasing tone and stuck his tongue out to me.

I could see he didn't think this was much and it was just a gesture but I didn't. I saw it for what it really was and it wasn't good at all.

"Jake, I can't" I shook my head taking one step backwards and stumbling on the bed. His hand caught a grip of my elbow to keep me steady. I pulled back, "You can't just give me a drawer, I don't – I don't live here."

"I know" he shrugged, "That's why you're only getting one drawer. I spend every night here so I get a full closet and three drawers. You spend two nights, you get this" he pointed to the space again.

"No!" I shook my head once again trying to pace around and failing to do so. His bedroom was just irritatingly too small, "You only share clothing storage with people you live with, like family and you're not my brother…"

"Thank God for that" he added with a wink that made me huff.

"Or if we're a couple that live together and we're not that either!"

This time the smile disappeared from his face as he shrugged, "I know."

"So you can't just give me a drawer!" I stumbled on my way out of the bedroom. God, I really hated surprises.

While rushing through the living room and out the front door, I could hear Jacob's voice calling me back in or asking me to stop but I ignored him. He quickly caught up with my pace as I walked down the street.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home" I stated fastening my pace.

"And you're planning to walk all the way back?"

"No, I'll get a ride."

"Bella!" he grunted and snatched my arm to spin me around to face him, "What is wrong with you?"

"You gave me a drawer!" I yelled in exasperation.

"Yes! And you clearly hated! Why?" he yelled back.

"You—" I caught my breath and pressed my lips together on a hard line. He looked down at me with his eyebrows pulled together trying to reason what was happening. But he saw nothing wrong with it, "You promised" I reminded him on a whisper, "You promised you'd wait."

His expression softened a little but he kept his frown, "I am waiting."

"You're giving me drawers."

He chuckled lightly, "That was a gesture. I was just trying to let you know you're always welcome to stay here whenever you want; and you can have a little more comfort by having a change of clothes for when you need a shower" he reached for my hand and I stiffed. He wrapped his fingers around mine, ignoring my obvious discomfort, "I wasn't expecting an exchange of eternal love or anything, a simple 'thanks, Jake' would do. But hey, if you're not into drawers, I could clear you a couple of hangers…"

I relaxed as I rolled my eyes. He smirked and grazed his knuckles across my cheek, "You're really overdramatic."

"Thanks, Jake" I obeyed and he pulled me close to his chest, draping his arms around me. I hugged him back and buried my face on his chest, blushing in embarrassment.

…

I stretched my arms high above my head and saw when a few lost popcorns rolled their way down my hair and fell to the floor. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair trying to get all of them out. After Jacob's failed attempt to surprise me – weren't they all? – we went back into the house and popped on a DVD. I made us popcorn and halfway through the movie we started a popcorn fight; that's how interesting the movie was. In fact, I didn't even pay attention at all to what was playing on the screen, I was just mentally replaying our last conversation to see if I could find the exact moment where I had overreacted. I couldn't find it though, so I was pretty sure something should be wrong with me by that point.

"You missed one."

I looked up and saw Jacob reaching down my hair and picking up one strayed popcorn and throwing in his mouth. He had a smug smile while chewing.

"You're gross" I chuckled.

"What? Don't you wash your hair?" he asked plopping down by my side on the floor in front of the couch.

I rolled my eyes and he reached one arm behind my back on the couch. I saw him glancing over my head and searching for something. I waited as the tip of his tongue darted out in concentration and he retracted his hand with a devilish smirk on his lips. I flinched for a moment and then felt his hand ruffling the top of my head and the cascade of popcorns that flew every each way from me.

"Jacob!" I squealed and squirmed away from him.

He threw his head back on a booming laugh. He was still laughing when I turned around and grabbed a fistful of popcorn from under the coffee table and threw at his open mouth. I folded with laughter as he his laughing was stopped by his coughing.

"That was low" he coughed again shaking his head but I couldn't stop laughing.

Covering my mouth with one hand, I tried to stifle the giggles unsuccessfully. Before I knew it, Jacob charged on me and I fell backwards on the floor. He pinned both of my hands over my head with just one of his large ones and started to collect the stranded popcorns around us to throw at me.

"Jacob, don't!" I tried to threat him but my giggles broke my façade when he tossed the popcorns at my face again.

"Say you're sorry."

"You started it!" I protested kicking my feet in the air.

His face lowered to hover just above mine. Any hint of amusement was suddenly gone and his expression was almost teasing in a different way, "Say you're sorry" he repeated on a husky whisper, sending chills down my spine.

I tried to blink and look away from him, but his eyes were so intense on mine that I couldn't break our gaze. This was supposed to be a fun, goofy popcorn fight to light up the mood; but it was turning out to be something else. Something I knew I didn't want to happen. I shook my head slightly from side to side, still staring back at him. My hands were yet pinned over my head and I couldn't retract them.

"Jacob" his name was all I managed to choke out.

Our faces were so close together that the tips of our noses grazed each other as we breathed in different rhythms. I heard him sucking the air sharply through his half parted lips and I was almost ready to close my eyes and wait for the next move I knew he'd make when we heard the front door opening with a thud. Took us another moment to react when he finally glanced past me to the door and I raised my head back at the same direction.

"Dad!" we both said at the same time.

Charlie was right behind Billy's chair, probably had wheeled him in, and they were both staring down at us on the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut and cursed under my breath. I could see what they must've been seeing. I didn't think that Jacob minded, though, since it took me squirming under his body pinning me down for him to understand that our current position was not acceptable through parental eyes. He swiftly let go of me and raised himself up to plop back on the couch. Left on the floor, I pathetically tried to seat up just as fast, but only managed to lift the upper part of my body, needing Charlie's hand to help me to properly get up. He looked down at me with one eyebrow suspiciously arched.

"Hey, dad" I smoothed down my clothes with my hands, "What are you doing here?" the last two words were more of a mumble as I darted my eyes back and forth from Jacob grinning on the couch, Billy still by the door and Charlie standing in front of me with his brow still up.

Charlie's eyes flickered for a second to Jacob but then they were back again on me. He straightened himself up and I dropped my shoulders.

"Renee called. She wanted to surprise you and visit you this weekend."

"Mom's coming?" I asked eagerly before he was finished.

He nodded once, "She called from the road."

"Is Phil with her?" I jumped again, not giving him time to change his mood or make the one question I didn't want him to make: what was _I _doing there, exactly?

He shook his head then, "It's just her but I think she's pretty close so I came to pick you up…"

He trailed off and I spun on my heels to grab my backpack from across the living room and was halfway toward Billy when I turned to glance at Jacob from over my shoulder, "I'll call you later, Jake."

He was on his feet before I could take my next step; "You're leaving now?" the grin that had been on his face ever since Charlie and Billy caught us was finally gone. His eyebrows were pulled together in a grimace.

I shrugged and nodded once, "Yeah. I'll catch up with my mom. But I will call you later" I reassured him one more time.

That seemed to have calmed him somehow since he was back on the couch. I turned to Charlie and then back to Billy, "Bye, Billy" I muttered, "Sorry for the intrusion."

Charlie's hand was already on my back as we left the Black's house. He walked me to my truck and I waited for him to get on the Cruiser so I could follow him back to Forks. It was Friday afternoon and this was going to be the first weekend in a month and a half – not counting Charlie's birthday – that I'd spend away from Jacob.

…

I shamefully realized how much I really missed my mother. Every time I thought about her was to remind myself to reply her email or to give her a call and check if things were alright. I never stopped to think of how much I truly missed her, how much I neglected of having her actively in my life. All of this came down on me the moment I felt her hugging me after fleeting off the car and throwing her arms around my neck. I couldn't help but giggle at her enthusiasm but then it occurred to me that she missed me just as much as I missed her – if not more.

We spent most of Friday night in my room, catching up and with me listening attentively to her endless rants about her crazy life. It was comforting to hear her babble nonstop like she always did my whole life. She seemed genuinely happy to see me. Why wouldn't she, she was my mother after all. But then it hit me; the last time she saw me I was in my zombie-state and half-scared her to death, I was sure. I could practically see the weight lifting off her shoulders when she asked how I was doing and I replied with a sincere "I'm doing good, mom" accompanied by a side smile.

Charlie had prepared the guestroom for her, but she insisted on sleeping with me in my bedroom. So we spend the night laying under the sheets with Renee bursting into a fit of giggles every time it got too quiet and we could begin to hear Charlie's snores from his bedroom down the hall. She was like a child, impossible to shut it. Eventually she got too tired to wait for the snores to break the silence and drifted to sleep. I stood up for a few minutes later and then fell asleep, curled up to her.

…

Saturday afternoon, right after lunch, Renee decided to treat me an ice cream. We were on our way out of the store with her juggling her three scoops on her scone when I took a deep breath to ask the question I've been meaning since I heard of her visit.

"So, mom, and I don't mean this on the wrong way, but…" I sighed and looked at her from the corner of my eyes, "What are you really doing here?"

She licked the melting chocolate from the scone and shrugged, "I called Charlie to check on you because I couldn't trust you to be objective about you own state… I mean – I normally would but, honey" she reached for my hair and tucked a lock behind my ear, "You really scared me the last time I was here and I just had to be sure."

We took a few more steps in silence. I wasn't used to be the one who caused worry in my relationship with Renee; I was usually the worried one. Hearing the words coming from her made it all more real than it was in my head.

"I'm sorry I worried you" I whispered to my feet.

"Oh sweetie" Renee's arm wrapped around my shoulders, bringing me closer to her, "I'm your mother, aren't I supposed to worry?" she chuckled as I looked up to her, "Besides, it's not like it was _your_ fault."

My body instantly tensed under her arm as the memories slowly started to creep back to my conscious mind. She cleared her throat and shook her hair away from her face, "Anyway, Charlie told me you were doing a lot better – he even used the word 'chipper' so I had to come and see it for myself."

"I am a lot better" I confirmed glancing up to her again and making a face, "Don't know about chipper, though."

We stopped just before making a turn by the corner and Renee stepped in front of me, to look me straight in the eye, "Are you really?"

I sighed at her worry, "I am, mom" I gave her a nod for reassurance.

She searched for something on my face but when she didn't seem to find, she winked, "I believe you."

…

"Bells! Phone!" Charlie's voice shrieked from the living room

Renee and I were fixing diner while Charlie sat in the living room watching his game on TV like the earth would stop moving if he ever didn't do it so. It was weirdly comfortable being in the kitchen cooking with my mom while my dad sat around waiting for us to put the table. It was almost like picture perfect, except the parents were divorced and the kid seemed more of a parent than two of them on often occasions.

"Coming!" I yelled back while skipping to the phone on Charlie's hand, "Hello?" I pressed the phone between my shoulder and my right cheek as I made my way back to the kitchen. The cheery husky voice on the other side didn't need introductions, "Hey, Jake."

"Hey" he breathed out and I could hear the couch squeaking under him as he sat down, "I'm just calling to check in. It's weird not having you here for the weekend. Guess I got used to having you around" he chuckled at the end but it was only halfheartedly.

"I know" I agreed leaning back on the kitchen counter with a can of green beans to be opened in my hands, "But I'm hanging here with Ren– my mom."

"Yeah, right. So I guess I'll see you Monday, then."

I nodded even though he couldn't see me, "Definitely. See you Monday."

"I'll call you tomorrow, though" he rushed probably afraid I'd hang up before he could add it.

I chuckled once, "I would expect nothing less. 'Night, Jake."

"'Night, Bella" he replied with a smile on his voice.

I hung up and placed the cordless phone on the counter and walked back to Renee with the opened can of beans. She stood next to me by the sink and I could feel her eyes on my face. I turned around to look at her and frowned.

"What?"

"So _that _was Jake" she affirmed with a sly smile.

What was that? I lifted my eyebrows confused, "Yeah. Jacob Black. You know his dad, Billy, don't you?"

"Right" she exaggerated the first syllable, "Old Billy, I remember. God" she let out a nostalgic sigh as I turned off the heat from the macaroni sauce we had been cooking, "I haven't seen little Jacob since he wobbled around you and his sisters on the town fairs. How is he these days?"

There was an edge on her question that I didn't quite grasp, but answered anyway as casually as I could manage, "Not so little anymore" I turned to her with a smile, "And nobody touches the truck other than him."

"He's a mechanic?" one of her eyebrows rose.

I nodded, "Yeah. He built his Rabbit practically from scratch" I almost beamed with inevitable proud. Jacob was definitely someone to be proud of.

"Mechanics are pretty good with their hands" her eyebrows wiggled up and down.

That right there was crossing the too much information line. I didn't need or wanted to know how Renee would know that so I had to discourage her to go on any further.

"I guess" I shrugged and turned to the fridge.

"You guess? From what Charlie told me about you and Jacob kissing in the kitchen I'd think you'd know more than just guess."

"What?!" I shrieked spinning around to face my mother with livid horror and embarrassment, "I cannot believe he told you that!"

She held back a giggle, "Bella, please. He called me in panic cause he didn't know what to do."

I shook my head and dropped on a chair, "What did you tell him?" I asked carefully. This was so wrong. Charlie never yelled at me for that night, actually he didn't even discuss it at all. So why was he talking about that with my mom?

Renee shrugged, coking her head to the side, "That you're eighteen and such thing was predictable, if not expected. Although, coming from you… I was a little surprised myself."

"Mom, no" I sighed when she crossed her arms all knowingly against her chest and gave me a teasing look, "It's not about that with me and Jacob. It's – it's a little complicated. And, sort of, confused."

I frowned at the last part and she concluded wrongly, "Because of him?"

"Because of me" I corrected her and she took a seat on the chair across the table from me waiting for the rest she knew it'd come, "I'm doing a whole lot better. But I'm still not – better. And I think he understands this."

"But he doesn't agree" she tried and when she saw the expression on my face her hand slid over the table to pat the back of mine, "You take your time, sweetie. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You're a wonderfully smart girl. Just don't over-think, ok? You'll know when you're ready."

She winked at me again and I sunk on my seat. I had my whole life ahead of me. That suddenly seemed awfully little time.

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	4. Push and Pull

**A/N.: **_Sorry it took me so long to update, I was having trouble with one of the scenes and it's still not exactly what I wanted but I wanted to give you guys something soon, so... I hope you enjoy it! Next chapter is still on the works and it might take a while but I'm working on it!_

_And thanks for the reviews! I'm glad my Bella's POV was done properly, hee. This chapter is back to the third person though. I might to her POV again in another chapter, it was fun!_

_This is for the lovely girls at the Jacob/Bella thread over fanforum who read this story and are so supportive of it and of JB. They need the love, girls!_

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Jacob leaned foreword on the table, crossed his writs on top of each other and stared into Bella's eyes, looking for another hint of hesitation. He could feel Embry's drumming fingers on the back of his chair and Quil's stare from beside Bella. Narrowing his eyes at the girl, the corner of his lips stretched into a smirk.

"Bullshit" he called.

Biting her bottom lip, Bella gently laid down the cards on the table at the same time Embry raised his arms in the air in a victory gesture. As Jacob watched the two pair of aces reveal to him, his mouth hung open. Bella was already out of her chair and in Quil's bear hug as he twirled her around.

"What?!" Jacob's voice boomed, "No! This can't – you suck at lying!" he accused through clenched teeth, "How—" he stopped mid-sentence and turned around to Embry who was laughing, "You helped her!"

"No, not me!" the boy shook his head and pointed down at the floor, "I was just behind you, bro!"

But Embry's laughter betrayed him, "You _did_!" Jacob accused again and threw his cards on the table.

"Aw, c'mon, Jake" Quil put Bella down and shrugged, "We had to dethrone you."

At the word 'we' Jacob gasped and it suddenly hit him, "You too?" he turned his attention to Bella who was containing her laughter with one hand clapped over her mouth, "You think you're so smart, little cheater?"

He took one step toward her and she backed away, "Your fault for being all too smug. We had to gang up to bullshit you."

"Unbelievable" he shook his head and placed both hands on his waist while he stood in front of the girl.

Paul rose from his place on the armchair and patted on his shoulder, "C'mon, don't be a sour loser. You didn't lose to a girl exactly, you lost to all of us" he finished with a smirk.

Jacob rolled his eyes in annoyance, "How's that better?"

Their little banter was disrupted by Emily's call from the kitchen, "Lunch's ready!"

The magic words made the three boys plus Sam, who was on the backyard, fly to the kitchen. Bella stood in the living room and took a seat by the armchair where Paul was sitting before and watched as Jacob walked toward her. He placed both hands on the chair's arms and leaned over Bella. She caught her breath but kept staring up at him.

"You know" he shook his head lightly from side to side, never breaking eye contact, "I trusted you."

His whisper blew a puff of hot air on her face and she shifted on her seat, "Maybe I'm not that trustworthy" her voice trembled in the end but she kept her stare on his.

He smiled at her slight blushing and leaned closer, "Maybe not."

Bella was pretty sure she had forgotten to breathe but she just couldn't bring herself to remember how to do it again. Jacob was still smiling when he suddenly flinched and his eyes snapped shut. Bella flinched too and peeked around him to see Paul laughing from the kitchen. Jacob turned around and saw the smashed muffin on the floor next to his foot. There wasn't time for Bella to process what happened and Jacob was already charging on Paul. The both of them fell and rolled on the floor till Sam's voice overpowered their grunts when he told them to stop.

…

After lunch was over, the pack was off patrolling and Bella stayed with Emily since it was still too early to go home and fix Charlie's dinner. She helped take care of little Claire while Emily went around the house doing chores. She had never been good with kids, especially toddlers, but Claire didn't seem to mind to be around her and she was grateful for that. In a way, children always made life seem so much easier as their main concern revolved around their toys.

Four hours later, Bella was sitting by the kitchen table with Claire and trying to wipe the baby food from the girl's cheeks. She giggled when Bella's fingers grazed her neck and Bella couldn't help giggling along. Emily emerged from the bathroom and smiled at the scene.

"She's never this comfortable with anyone unless it's her mom or Quil" she took a seat next to the baby girl, "She likes you."

Bella nodded, "She's impossibly adorable" she tickled the girl once more and turned to Emily with a sigh, "Do you think they're gonna take much longer? Charlie doesn't eat if I don't feet him."

Emily chuckled at the last part, "They should be back soon. Sam said it was only patrolling."

As if on cue, the front door was slammed open and two large figures barged in. Paul waved at them with an uneasy wave.

"Hey…"

Quil went straight to Claire by the table and scooped her up, "Claire-Bear" he hugged her tight and turned to Bella who still had a spoon with baby food on her hand, "Thanks, Bella."

"S'ok" Bella assured with a tight smile as she glanced behind them, "Where's Jake?"

"Where's Sam?" Emily asked at the same time.

Paul and Quil exchanged looks and Paul cleared his throat, "Um… they're bringing him in."

As Paul finished his sentence, Jacob and Embry walked past the door holding Sam up and dragging him along. The older man had his arms wrapped around the boys' necks and was stumbling on his feet as they carried him across the living room. Emily's hand flew to her heart as she rushed to them.

"Sam!"

They placed Sam on the bigger couch and he plopped down with a thud and a grunt. Emily promptly kneeled in front of him to check for injures. He was bleeding but she couldn't find where it was coming from. As she tried to find it, Jacob walked around her and went to the kitchen where Bella was standing next to the table, frozen by the scene.

"Hey" he whispered softly.

"What happened?" she couldn't look away from the couch.

"Nothing" he shrugged and glanced at Sam for a moment and then back to her, "It looks worse than it is."

She only shook her head and snapped back to roam her eyes over Jacob, "Are you ok? Aren't you hurt?"

There was no sign of injuring on him, just a few blood spots on his pants but she was sure that was Sam's. Jacob smiled and shook his head.

"No, I'm good. I'm tougher than Sam, you know that" he winked.

Bella tilted her head to the side and turned back to Sam. Emily had found the wound on his shoulder and was cleaning it but the blood was still gushing out. Bella's hand went automatically to her stomach as she leaned her other hand on the back of one of the chairs.

"Yeah…" she agreed still staring at the scene in the living room.

Jacob took a step closer to her and ducked his head to watch her face, "Are _you_ okay, though? You look a little green."

Feeling a sour taste on her mouth, Bella closed her eyes for a moment and tried not to breathe through her nose, "It's the blood."

"C'mere" Jacob pulled her by the elbow and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, towing her across the living room and outside. Once they were on the porch, he leaned Bella against one of the walls and gently let go of her, "Wait here. I'll be right back. You good?"

She managed a nod, "I'm good."

Jacob left and Bella slid down the cold wall and sat by on the floor. She brought her knees close to her chest and hugger her legs, resting her forehead on them. A few minutes later Jacob was back with his usual cheerful voice.

"You almost can't tell where Sam was hurt" he leaned back on the wall, standing next to her and smirking down, "Good thing wolves heal fast, huh?"

"Better if the wolves were more careful" she lifted her head to glance up to him, "You're not gonna tell me what happened?"

"It was no big deal, don't sweat it" he dismissed it plopping down to seat next to her on the floor.

Bella hung her head back on the wall and sighed. She couldn't help to think that things were never this dangerous in La Push before she came to Forks. Although she knew the reason why the boys were turning into giant wolves wasn't her, she still felt responsible. Her inner magnet for trouble never seized to disappoint her; it was always bringing danger and hazard to her and to those around her. She slowly rolled her head to the side to look at Jacob.

"Was it – is it her?" she chocked out the words.

Jacob didn't look at her for a moment with his jaw locked tight. Bella could see his veins popping from his neck and then they were instantly gone as he turned to face her.

"It's nothing, Bella, really" he shrugged carelessly, "Not everything has to be supernatural, you know?"

She arched one eyebrow, "So you're gonna tell me he tripped and fell down or something?"

"Why not?"

"Jacob" she warned.

But he ignored her, "Emily said you were really good with Claire."

She sighed again at his lame attempt to change the subject, "Yeah. Apparently the men phase into giant wolves and go hunting and tripping over trees while the women stay home and take care of the children, waiting for them."

He brushed off her sarcasm and wiggled his eyebrows, "Nothing supernatural about that."

She huffed and he sunk further on his spot, stretching his long legs ahead of him. His left hand searched for her right one, but she retracted both hands and folded them against her stomach. Jacob didn't seem disturbed by that, he only kept staring ahead to the street.

"Quil got jealous when Emily said you fed Claire. She usually only eats if it's with him or her mom. She really liked you" he flashed a smile.

Bella shrugged and gave up trying to find out what actually had happened, "She's an easy kid."

"Bet you're gonna be an awesome mom."

The statement came out so naturally and out of the blue that took Bella by surprise. She had never really thought about having children, maybe when she was a kid and played with her dolls, but never seriously. When she had made the conscious decision to give up her mortality in exchange of eternal life she didn't even hesitated on the thought of never being able to have children ever again; it just wasn't something to be considered so she never did. But after everything that happened she had been feeling more human than ever before. All her feelings seemed so much stronger then, almost tearing her apart from the inside and she felt a sting on the pit of her stomach at Jacob's statement. She had enjoyed taking care of Claire more than she ever enjoyed being around any kid. She thought that maybe this was just the human emotions overflowing her again. Either way, it was just one more thing pushing her away from what she wanted to forget. Because this life now, _this_ was possible. She just wasn't too sure if that was a good thing or not.

"I'm usually not this good with kids" she admitted on a murmur, "At all."

"You take care of Charlie" Jacob chuckled.

She tried to suppress her smile, "I cook."

"I think you do more than that."

"Yeah and by the way" she sighed and glanced at her watch, "I'm late to fix him dinner."

"Okay" Jacob was instantly up and offering a hand to help her up along.

…

During dinner Bella mostly played with her food as Charlie dug on his plate across the table, making up for a whole day on a black coffee diet. When he finally stopped to breathe and take a gulp from the orange juice, he looked up to Bella lost in thoughts and broke their silence.

"How was your day?"

"Good" she answered absented minded, "Said goodbye to mom, went to school, Jake picked me up and I spent the day at Emily's."

Charlie put down the glass and straightened himself up on the chair, "You're spending a lot of time at the reservation."

"Yeah" she glanced up to him with a confused frown, "That's ok, right?"

He nodded, "Sure, that's ok" and went back to pick on his food with the fork and Bella went back to play with her food again, "You spend a lot of time with Jacob there. Do we…" he cleared his throat and shifted on his seat before finishing with his eyes on the food, "Do we need to have the talk again?"

"What tal–" she stopped to look up at him and when she saw the expression on his face hers blushed profusely, "Oh my God, no!" she shut her eyes and shook her head rapidly, "Dad, no! No, no… I – no. No" she sucked on a breath, "Jake and I aren't like…. we're not even together; no."

Charlie's brows pulled together, "You're not dating? Then what was that—"

"Nothing!" she quickly interrupted, "That was a slip, a… no. That's not it. We're just friends, that's all. Jake…" she inhaled deeply and calmed herself, "Helps me. He helps me feel better. I like being in La Push with him and his friends. I feel good there."

Bella's last words were the trick to make Charlie relax on his seat. It was all he needed to hear from her to stop worrying. So he only gave her a nod and went back to his food.

"As long as it's good for you."

"It is" she repeated with another nod.

…

It was like an ocean of people. Looking at the crowd from the parking lot, Bella could barely make where one person ended and the other started. There was music being played somewhere but the chattering and the laughing almost muffled it. Every food stand was packed with lines of people with their money in hand and Bella was sure one of those stands was going to be Jacob's first stop since he had been complaining about being hungry every since they left La Push.

It was the first town's fair that Bella attended ever since she moved back in to Forks but she knew most of the people there. It was like, literally, everybody she met after she moved in was there. Why hasn't she been to one of these before? Something on the back of her mind started to answer the question but was interrupted by the sudden warm on her hand. She glanced down and saw Jacob's hand wrapped securely around hers.

As they walked across the parking lot closer to the fair area Bella noticed a couple of glances at their direction and when they were finally approaching the first food stand, she caught a glimpse of Mike Newton with his parents and he was looking at her. She felt a little embarrassed by the intensity of his stare till her eyes dropped to where his attention was focused and she immediately retracted her hand from Jacob's.

"What is it?" his voice wasn't hurt, just curious.

"Nothing" Bella shrugged it off and when he tried to take her hand again, she flinched, "Jake…"

"What?" he frowned down at her but then followed her gaze and saw Mike looking at them. He couldn't avoid rolling his eyes, "Since when do you care about him?"

She wrapped both arms around herself, "I don't."

And she really didn't. But something about her conversation with Charlie the day before stuck with her. And then she replayed her talk with her mother a few days earlier and saw how they connected. How people who didn't know any better and saw her with Jacob would automatically assume they were a couple. I mean, they were at the town's fair holding hands, weren't they?

"It's not just him" she continued, "It's everybody. We can't parade in front of the whole town holding hands without having them thinking we're dating."

His eyes were still tight but he shrugged, "So what?"

"We're not!" she almost shrieked, backing away.

He took one step toward her, "I know that. But what does it matter what they think? We like holding hands even if we're not dating" he gave her a sly smile, "They can deal with it."

"I don't."

She was being stubborn but she didn't care. This had gone too far and she wasn't even sure what she was feeling yet; she had to stop it from going any further even if she knew it'd hurt Jacob in some way.

One of Jacob's eyebrow rose questioningly, "You've never complained before."

"I am now" she huffed and crossed her arms against her chest.

He almost laughed at her childish behavior, "Alright. Is there anything else that I do and you don't like that I don't know of?"

Kicking the grass on the ground with the tip of her sneakers, Bella tilted her head up to look at him, "You're constantly shirtless; I had to beg you to put some clothes on before we came here. I don't like that."

He opened up a smug smile, "Yes, you do. You enjoy the view."

"You think you know me better than I do."

"Well, I do."

"No, you don't!" she shouted before she even realized she was getting angry.

Some people walking by stopped for a moment to look at them but they were instantly quiet. She couldn't look at him although he kept his stare on her face. After another moment of silence, when no one was watching them anymore, Jacob sighed with his face hardened.

"Fine. Anything else?"

Bella knew that tone of voice. It was the one he used when he was being Sam-like and patronizing. She snapped her head back at him and saw the solemn mask of sobriety he was using.

"I hate when you're being cynical like now."

She added it and waited for his response that never came. He kept on staring at her for a while and then focused on something behind her that she couldn't see. Uncrossing her arms, she threw them in the air, frustrated.

"Oh, so now you're not speaking at all?"

It took another long moment when Bella thought she'd have to throw a tantrum to make him speak to her again, but he finally looked back at her.

"If I can't be cynical then you don't wanna hear what I have to say, trust me."

She cocked her head to the side, "I thought it was clear that you don't know me all that well."

"You're selfish" he snapped.

She blinked a couple of times at the harshness, "Why?"

"Because you only keep me around as long as it's convenient for you" his tone was still harsh and Bella winced as the words came out of his mouth, like he was physically hurting her, "You act all hot and cold and doesn't even stop to see what's doing to me. And I can't even complain about it or you'll pull away – and not because you're guilty for hurting me – but because it'd make you uncomfortable; and God forbid you to go through that."

Jacob didn't realize his breathing was erratic till he stopped talking. He tried to calm down as Bella uncrossed her arms and fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.

"That's really mean" she said on a quiet voice.

He wasn't done calming himself, "So are you, Bella!"

"You're being unfair to me" she whined lamely.

"Oh, _I_ am?"

"Yes!" she spat back, "It's really unfair to make a promise and to use it as a bargaining chip later."

"I promised I'd help and I am! And you said you'd try. There was nothing about you taking advantage of my–"

"Taking advantage?" she cut him with an exasperated gasp, "Oh, _please_, Jacob! Like you're so defenseless. Like _you_ don't take advantage of the situation anytime you can, too."

Their voices were getting too loud and staring to gain attention again. Jacob took a swift look around and leaned closer to Bella so he could lower his voice to a harsh whisper.

"I do! But I admit it; I never lied to you, Bella. You know very well where I stand. You know what I want."

"Yes, I do" she hissed back, "You make it very clear any chance you get to, even though I've already asked you not to."

"And why not?"

"Because I know" she almost screamed this time and ignoring the stares that were again on them, she continued shouting, "Ok?! I know you wanna be with me, Jacob, I _know_! But I can't! Not right now, I can't!"

"You don't _want_ to" he corrected her still on a whisper.

"I _can't_!" she shouted yet again.

"Fine" he nodded and started to back away from her, "You can't. You need time, you need space. Fine!"

He threw his arms in the air and turned around to walk away from her. Bella stood in the middle of the parking lot, still shaking from the screams with people gawking at her like she was crazy and all she could do was watch Jacob disappear into the trees across the road.

* * *


	5. I'll take you back to the start

**A/N.: **_Sorry for the delay and thanks so much for the reviews! Some people don't leave their reviews here but either comment to me at fanforum or at my livejournal and I just wanna thank all of you. _

_I have a plan of where I'm going with this story after this but I'm not sure about it. So if you have any suggestions as to what you'd like to see from here on, let me know. If it works with what I have in mind I might add to it.  
_

* * *

It had been five days since her fight with Jacob, and Bella was finding herself with more free time in hands than she was comfortable with lately. She had tried picking extra shifts at the store but since they were rarely busy, Mrs. Newton didn't allow her to work more than necessary – which was only three times a week now.

She came back from school, did her laundry, cleaned up the kitchen and made sure there was food in the fridge to be done later for Charlie. When she finished balling up her socks and stuffed them in the drawer, she sighed heavily glancing around her bedroom. The house was so quiet she could hear her own heart beating from inside her eardrums.

The closet door was half open and she could see the mess of clothes that were about to burst out. Cleaning her closet seemed to take up just the right amount of time for her to be starting dinner.

There were some things in there that Bella didn't even remember having it anymore. Like her mother's old burgundy sweater that she used to wear it to sleep every night after she first got to Forks because it still smelled like her mom. It didn't anymore and it was now lodged to the back bottom of the closet. Bella retrieved the sweater and took a whiff of it, trying to get the familiar scent – but all she could feel was dust that made her sneeze three times in a row. She sniffed and sadly cast the piece of clothing aside, going back to her mission.

She saw a piece of her lost jeans on a corner and tugged at it. It seemed to be stuck so she pulled harder and saw when the box slid from on top of it and banged against her knuckles. Hesitating for a moment, Bella placed the box in front of her and opened it to dig in. It was _the _box. The box she wasn't supposed to open never, ever again. Holding her breath, she pulled out pieces of the wrecked sound stereo.

_Funny_, she thought and snorted at the irony, _Kinda like me not too long ago. _

It wasn't just pieces of her wreckage anymore, but she was sure she wasn't whole either. Tossing the plastic aside, she went back and got what she was looking for in there – the photo album. The pages were dusty and most of them empty since the first pictures she added had been ripped away by the one _on _them.

Her fingers traced her messy handwriting at the bottom.

_Edward Cullen, Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13__th__._

She started to feel dizzy from the lack of air. She didn't notice she had been holding her breath since she opened the box and the air finally left her lungs with a whoosh sound. His name hadn't been allowed in her mind ever since he left, and now it was right in front of her. In her own handwriting.

Edward. Cullen. _Edward Cullen_.

The name was at the bottom because originally there was a picture on top of it, of him, Edward, standing on Charlie's kitchen. Her kitchen. Edward was on her kitchen.

She closed her eyes and when the cool air coming from the window reached her cheeks she could feel it. Edward Cullen had been to her house, to her kitchen, to her bedroom. He had existed. He was real – she wasn't crazy. Her eyes fluttered open and she kept them on the inscription.

His name was read over and over till it stopped making sense.

_EdwardEdwardEdwardEdwardEdward_

When the front door slammed shut Bella jumped on a startle. Cursing, she flew down the stairs to greet her father in the living room. She apologized for missing dinner and rushed to fix something for him.

Charlie noticed the off look she had and asked if everything was alright. She assured him, yes. He asked if she was feeling fine and she answered, yes. She had to repeat it five more times before he resumed to eating his food and stealing suspicious glances from her every two other minutes.

Charlie knew why the look in her eyes seemed off and yet so familiar. It gave him chills up and down his spine and he feared that his daughter was starting to fall again into the deep dark state she had been over way too much time. After all that, when she was doing so much better. He wished for Jacob to call and end their childish grudge already so he could help her again as he did once.

But Jacob didn't call. Neither did Bella fall apart.

…

Jacob practically hammered the engine with the screwdriver. On the second swing the metal piece squeaked and Quil winced from the door. He stepped in with a grimace.

"Whoa. Who are you hurting?"

"That fucking leech" his words came out like he was spitting venom.

Quil took one concerned step toward him, "He's back?"

"No" Jacob shook his head, straightened himself up and sighed. Mumbled to himself, "I don't think he ever left."

"What?"

"It's Bella" he clarified with a swift glance at the boy still by the entrance and then turned back to the car engine.

"Ah" Quil crossed his arms against his chest with a knowingly nod, "Troubles in denial-land?"

Jacob leaned one hand on the car and the other swung the screwdriver in the air, "I could easily throw this on your head."

Quil chuckled but continued, "So, Bella…?"

"Nothing" Jacob shrugged and went back to pretending to fix the car, "We had a fight."

"I hope you at least gave her a crowbar to defend herself."

"Why do I talk to you?" Jacob's outburst made Quil laugh. He shook his head and threw the tool randomly on the floor and went to take a seat by the Rabbit, "She's not over him yet."

Scratching the back of his head, Quil went to stand next to Jacob by the car. He looked down and saw his friend's painful expression. It had been gone for so long that Quil started to think he wouldn't see it anymore, but there it was again.

"Bro, you probably don't wanna hear this, but I don't think she ever will. I mean, if even after all that she's been through she's still not over him then I don't think—"

"She will" Jacob's voice interrupted, "She just needs some time."

Quil nodded at that, "Maybe. Or maybe you just need to believe that. Would you get over her?"

Jacob glanced up and shook his head confidently, "Never."

"Then maybe you two have that in common."

…

Laying on the couch, Bella had one of her legs hanging off as she grazed her toes on the living room's rug. She was flipping the channels aimlessly during the game's half-time when Charlie finally got up from his armchair to go to the bathroom. She sighed, bored, and settled for a cooking show. She was sure she had seen the same recipe made in at least two other different ways on other cooking shows, but this one looked – by far – the best; so she paid attention.

The phone rang but before she could ask Charlie to get it, he was already on it. His voice came out rushed and low, almost a hiss. Bella sat up on the couch and angled her head so she could see her father standing on the kitchen doorway with the phone pressed against his ear. His brows were furrowed and she started to gnaw at her bottom lip. Something must've happened and in Forks, with her around, that usually didn't mean a good thing. Scratch that – terrible thing.

With her heart beating unevenly, she waited for Charlie to hang up and when he returned dialing, she asked trying to sound casual and not too eager.

"What is it?"

"They're lightening the bonfire again over the reservation."

Bella's heart came to a halt, "Who are you calling?"

"Billy, to make sure" Charlie sighed and half-rolled his eyes, "I wish he'd let me know every time they decide to celebrate with fire."

_Celebrate._

Trying hard to fight the urge to obsess over it, Bella decided that if it was something remotely to do with her, she'd have known by now; someone would have told her. But who? She wasn't speaking to Jacob anymore and she was faintly sure that if the wolves were celebrating, she'd be the last person on their minds. Still, she needed to know.

It was almost 8:30 when she glanced at the clock on the wall. When Charlie went to get another beer, she got up and found her jacket.

"Dad, I'm going to see Jake."

Charlie looked up from inside the fridge with a frown, "You're driving to La Push at this hour?"

"It's still early" she shrugged the jacket on, "And I won't take long."

"But I thought you and Jake weren't…"

"It was over nothing" she dismissed with a hand wave, "If he's celebrating something I should be there, right? As a friend."

Charlie slowly nodded, "Yeah. Ok, just don't be out late then."

…

When Bella got to La Push, she parked the car in front of the Blacks' house. There was nobody home and all the lights were out. She mentally cursed herself for not calling before. But then again, she was afraid that Jacob would tell her not to come; or not answer the phone at all and make Billy pass on the message. She couldn't pick which would be worse.

She turned off the car and sat in silence, in the dark, waiting for Jacob to come home. If she looked ahead and away she could see the light from the bonfire glistening down at the beach. And if she got really, really quiet, she could hear the booming voices celebrating.

She didn't know how long she waited before she drifted off. It wasn't till she heard the knock on her window that made her jump on the seat that she realized she had fallen asleep.

Jacob's face was unreadable, but Bella picked up his distaste for her being there. Stumbling off the car, she had to catch his arm for support before tripping down. He held her up and then closed the door.

"Hi" she attempted weakly.

He looked down at her and crossed his arms against his chest. He arched one eyebrow disapprovingly, "What are you doing here at this hour?"

Bella glanced at her watch. Almost 11pm. Just perfect. She shrugged and shook her head, stuffing her hands on her jeans pockets.

"Someone called to warn about the bonfire. Charlie said you were celebrating something."

Jacob studied her face for a moment and then gave her a nod, "Yeah" he uncrossed his arms and sighed, "We got her. The leech that was after you."

"What?!" Bella shrieked before she even realized she had opened her mouth. But Jacob's expression didn't change and her heart started to race.

She knew they were celebrating and in La Push, with the wolf pack, that could only mean one thing: vampire. But even knowing this beforehand, she hadn't allowed herself to wander about what caused the celebration in the first place. She didn't want to get her hopes up, she didn't want to believe and be disappointed, she didn't _care_. Because coming to think of it, all she wanted to do since she heard the news was to be with Jacob and celebrate _with_ him. No matter what it was.

But now, hearing him said those words, she understood the meaning of it all; she was free.

"Victoria…" she tried her name out loud one last time.

Jacob nodded again, "That one. The redheaded."

"Oh my— you did. You got her…" her breathing was getting ragged, "Are you sure?"

Jacob snorted, "Of course" but then his shoulders slumped and he leaned back on the car, "I just don't think we should be celebrating, though."

Bella frowned confused, "Why not?" the pain in Jacob's eyes answered for him and she caught her breath, "Who's hurt?"

"Embry" he admitted on a small voice, "We caught up with her during patrol and he got to her first."

"Is he gonna be okay?"

Instinctively, Bella touched Jacob's forearm to try to sooth him. She felt him tense under her touch and saw him staring at her and then at her hand. She didn't move.

"Sure" he looked back at her face, "But he's in a rough shape right now. It's gonna take a couple of days."

"I'm so sorry about that" she retracted her hand and folded it under her arm, "No one should have to get hurt because of me."

Jacob followed her hand when she pulled away and could feel the absence of her cool palm on his arm. She looked pained and he had to stop himself from pulling her closer and closer till it was enough for her to feel nothing other than him.

"It was already late for that" he kept his voice steady and distant.

Bella tilted her head to the side and sighed heavily, "Jake…"

"If you came to hear the news that was it" he stood up and turned away, walking back to the house.

"That's not why I came" she followed him and rushed around him to stand in his way, "I came to see you."

"Please" he closed his eyes, "Don't apologize. It'd sound fake."

She shook her head, "What if I _am_ sorry? Not for our fight, but for what it caused it, what I did to you."

His eyes fluttered open and he saw her standing in front of him with her hands clasped together as she twisted on her fingers.

"You still do."

Then they got quiet. None of them moved and Bella stared at him as long as she could without breaking into tears. She had to look away and into the woods, concentrate on anything other than the boy standing in front of her. Her lips twitched to the side and she shook her head.

"You can't expect me to forget him over night."

"I don't" his tone was almost offended; "It's been almost a year."

She ducked her head and whispered, "It's hard. He meant—he _touched_ too much of my life. And everything changed with him."

Peeking from behind her hair, Bella glanced up quickly to see Jacob's eyes on her. His face was smooth and his brows slightly pulled together as if he was paying extra attention to what she was saying. He wanted to make sure he was following her this time; maybe then he'd understand this once and for all.

"When he left" she winced at the memory but tried not to let it affect her resolve as she took a deep breath to continue, "All those parts were hanging without making any sense. They only made sense with him and he wasn't here anymore."

She started to shake her head, staring at the grass under her feet and shrugged, "I didn't know what to do; I didn't know how to put things back in their places. I couldn't even function anymore. I was so numb I couldn't even feel" she whispered the last part.

Jacob was still standing without moving but fighting the urge to reach out to her and tell her he knew all of this, he was there to see it. But she wouldn't look at him and when she finally did, her eyes were filling with tears that contrasted with the small smile she was trying to put on her lips.

"Then you came along, you made me feel again" she sighed heavily and for a moment she didn't think she'd get through with it, "And it was so much harder. Those pieces hanging around started to all crumble down on my head and I started to feel _everything_. I couldn't even breathe, Jake. I wanted to be numb again but you wouldn't let me, you kept pushing me."

"I'm sorry" his barely whisper interrupted her speech.

She looked up and saw he was almost crying too.

"I had to deal with it all at once" she continued softly this time, "I needed time, I needed space and you kept pushing me."

It wasn't an accusation but Jacob couldn't help but feeling like it was. His eyebrows twitched up in a painful expression as he apologized again.

"I'm sorry."

"Jake—"

"I'm _so_ sorry" he took one step toward her and scooped her up on a hug, "Bella, I'm sorry."

He was mumbling more apologies into her hair as he tightened his arms around her. Bella kept him close holding him by his shoulders but when the bear-hug was too much she started to gasp.

"Jake… Jake… Jacob, air!"

He abruptly broke their hug but kept his arms around her, "Sorry."

She half-chuckled at his expression, "It's okay. Really, I just…" she copped his face with both hands, "I need you to understand."

"I do, Bells" he vowed, "I understand. Promise."

"Good."

She brushed her thumb on his cheek, getting a smile from him. She smiled back and then wrapped her arms around his waist; resting her head on his chest and just holding him close.

"I missed you."

One of his arms circled her waist as he stroked her hair, "I missed you, too."

"You know I got so bored without you around I tried to pick extra shifts at the store? Even though we have like, no costumers at all. I'm even doing my homework there so I can spend more time outside the house."

He laughed at her confession and his chest heaved up and down, making her face bop along, "Wow. I didn't know I fulfilled your life in such way."

"Now you do."

He pulled back to peer down at her, his knuckles running down her jaw line, "Are we good?"

She lifted one eyebrow and nodded, "As long as you behave."

He rolled his eyes with a snort, "Sure sure."

* * *


	6. Crash and Burn

**Author's note: **I'm so sorry for the stupidly long delay. I had some serious writer's block and just couldn't bring myself to work on this story anymore. But fear not, I have not given up on it; in fact, the next chapter should probably be the last. I'll try to wrap up the way I intended to before writer's block strikes again and I have to drag the story one more time. It's not fun for me and I'm sure it's not fun for you! So enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think!

---

After almost five days doing homework by herself (Jacob was always mysteriously busy now), Bella called Angela and set up an afternoon study session. They had been in the girl's room for about two hours when Bella broke their comfortable silence.

"Ang, can I ask you something?"

Adjusting her glasses on top of her nose, Angela glanced from her notebook to Bella in front of her with a shy smile, "Yeah sure."

"Before you and Ben started dating you were friends, right?" she waited for her friend's nod to continue, "How did it – how did you know it was something more?"

"I guess when he asked me out and we went on a date" she left out a little giggle and shrugged more thoughtfully, "But I think that was for him. For me, it was the second date when we first kissed. I felt something and I just knew it."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed, "Just like that? One kiss."

"It was easier because we didn't have anyone else."

Angela's change of tone wasn't lost on Bella. She brought her hands back to her lap and sat back on the chair, more distant from the other girl and tilted her head.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not like you had Edward and now you have Jacob."

The way that Edward's name was randomly thrown on a random conversation was enough to knock the air out of Bella for a moment. She still wasn't used to hear his name, even less when unannounced like that. It took her a few seconds to digest what Angela was implying. Shaking her head, she stuttered.

"I don't – I don't _have _Jacob."

Angela shrugged a little, "You kinda do."

Bella fumbled with her note papers a little, tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and sighed in somewhat frustration. Why couldn't her feelings just be as easy to understand as other made it seem.

"You should really just take your time, though" Angela added with a sympathetic smile.

"You sound like my mom."

"Oh. Sorry!"

"It's okay" she waved a hand in the air and went back to focusing the best she could on her homework.

Angela tapped the tip of her pencil on her book once or twice before starting again with a lower voice, "I can tell Jacob really likes you though. By the way he looks at you."

"I know" Bella sighed deeply scratching the back of her head, "He's already told me that. I just don't feel…"

"The same?" Angela tried.

Bella stared at her for a moment and corrected her with a mumble, "Ready to feel it, too."

…

When her shift at the Newton was store is over, Bella was ready to leave to get home as soon as possible and sulk on her bed. So when Mrs. Newton interrupted her plans to ask if she could give Mike a ride to slush place, Bella had to force a yellow smile and lie saying it was okay.

The ride was silent from her part and animatedly chatty from Mike's part. He was telling her all about the latest accomplishments from the Forks High Soccer team. She didn't even know the school had a soccer team at all.

Once they were at the store, they both hopped out of the car and made their way to the balcony. Since she was already there, Bella picked up a slush for her and another one for Charlie. Mike was still debating on which size to pick and what flavor. Bella sighed heavily and turned around to lean her back to the counter and glance around the store. That's when she saw it.

Sitting on a corner table, just outside the patio, were Jacob, Embry, Quil and… some girl. They were all very loud and enthusiastic to talk and Bella was surprised she hadn't noticed them before. Even more surprised she was that Jacob didn't notice her and that he was there — not busy — just hanging with his friends. And some girl.

The girl was sitting between Embry and Jacob but her attention was fully directed to the latter boy. Bella kept staring at the girl till she realized the girl had stopped talking for a second her. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other and flicked her eyes around, catching a glanced of Jacob looking above the girl's head. She followed his stare but it seemed to lead nowhere so she turned back around to Mike who had already taken his slushies and was ready to leave.

…

It was Billy Black's birthday. Charlie and Bella drove to La Push on Charlie's cruiser since he refused to drive on Bella's truck because she wouldn't let him be the one driving.

Not being the biggest fan of birthday presents, Bella never really understood the whole process of exchanging gifts so she didn't object when Charlie decided to give Billy three packs of frozen fish. Maybe it was a guys' thing. Either way, she thought it was better to give something herself so she attempted to cook a peach pie and she was sure something had gone wrong with it.

Billy was waiting for them by the door and greeted them. Bella smiled shyly.

"Happy birthday, Billy."

"Thanks, Bella" Billy's smile was wide as he winked, "I'm glad you came."

"Bells, why don't you put these in the fridge?" Charlie asked already handing her the frozen fish.

She picked them up and nodded, "Sure."

Jacob was in the kitchen, shuffling through the open fridge. Bella stood by the door and coughed as if to get his attention – not that he hadn't heard her from down the street anyway.

"Hey…"

He turned around with a bottle of root beer in hand a huge smile on his lips, "Hey."

Bella couldn't help but to smile back. She glanced down and walked around the kitchen table going to the fridge.

"I didn't know you were here" she tried a very lame attempt to start a conversation.

Jacob snorted, "It's my dad's birthday, where would I be?"

After the fish was safely placed inside the fridge, Bella closed its door and turned around to face Jacob with a shrug, "I don't know. Patrolling, maybe?"

"Sam gave me the night off" he explained leaning back on the sink.

The peach pie was inside a plastic food container sitting all nicely and pretty. When Bella tried to extract the pie it started to crumble around the edges. She reached for a wooden spoon that was sitting on the table and tried to fix it.

"What are you doing?" Jacob watched her from across the kitchen with his arms crossed against his chest.

Bella sighed irritated, "I baked a peach pie but it's falling to pieces."

She grunted at the pie. Her hair started to fall around her face, blurring her vision; she took one messy hand and swoop over her forehead, leaving crumbs all over her face. Jacob observed her with a sadden look without her noticing.

"It is" he half-whispered, "Here… you've got a little…"

He reached across the table and wiped the pie from her face. She froze under his touch and swept a hand over her forehead herself to keep from shuddering.

"Thanks" she kept focusing on the pie, "Haven't seen you in a while."

"You saw me yesterday at the slush place."

She felt a shiver before looking up and seeing him staring right back at her. His face was calm and she could see a hint of amusement in his eyes. Probably amused that he had gotten her uncomfortable again.

"Oh. Right…" she finished fixing the pie and cleaned off her hands, "I didn't think you'd seen me there with—"

"Newton?" there was a smile on his voice that she didn't even have to look at him to see it forming on his lips.

She arched one eyebrow, "Your intrinsic conversation with that girl… what's her name again?"

"I haven't said it yet" he responded with a bigger smug smile. Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head to his greater delight, "It's Sadie."

"Sadie" she repeated with a nod, "She's kinda cute."

"She is" he agreed taking a seat on one of the chairs.

They kept staring at each other in silence. Bella nervously tapped her finger tips on the table waiting for him to crack first. She knew he wouldn't but it didn't hurt to try. Or maybe it did so she finally spoke first.

"I wasn't with Mike. I mean, I was there with him but I wasn't — I'm not with him. Right now."

"Yeah, 'cause right now you're with me" he stated matter-of-factly. And then added when he saw Bella's puzzled look, "Here in the kitchen."

"Right" she agreed. The air was thicker between them, it had been ever since she walked through the door and she could feel it in her bones. It bothered her that she had to be careful, cautioned or social around Jacob. She wanted to just be, without having to over-think it, "Ugh!" she threw her hands in the air as she sunk on the chair, "We said we're gonna stay friends like before but we're not."

"You noticed too, huh?" he sneaked a piece of the pie.

"This isn't us."

He licked his finger and shrugged, "It's us as friends."

"It's not like before."

"Exactly."

His panned answers were starting to get on her nerves, "But we were friends before, too. What changed?"

"You're not using me as a clutch anymore."

Bella could actually feel someone sucker punching her and knocking her off her feet. She was pretty sure she would've fallen down if she wasn't sitting on the chair at the moment. Jacob was still chewing the piece of pie. Her eyes involuntarily filled with water.

"Wow."

Jacob noticed her tears and leaned forward, "Bells, c'mon…"

"No!" she slapped his hand away, "You don't get to accuse me of deliberately using you as a clutch and then 'Bells, c'mon' me!"

"But you were."

His calm was even more unnerving than his contempt, "Is that what you really think? You really believe all that time we spent together and everything that happened… that I was just using you? You really think that wasn't real?"

His eyes examined her face before he shook his head, "I know it was real. What I feel, what you feel is real" he hesitated for a split second, "I just don't think _you _know that."

She took her hand over her bracelet, unconsciously. She covered with her fingers as if to protect it from something. She bit her lip and looked down with barely a whisper, "I know."

…

They didn't speak for another four or five days. On a Saturday afternoon, Bella got on her truck and drove off. She drove the same way she did so many times before; it was almost on auto-pilot. She didn't have to think much at all and her legs and arms' muscles already knew the right moves to take her there.

It was slowly starting to get dark when she parked the truck right outside the house. It looked almost haunted from the outside then. It looked like it had been abandoned for ages, only she knew it had only been months. Not even a complete year and it already looked faded.

She turned the engine off and took a deep breath. She shouldn't have been there. She shouldn't have to see it for herself to believe it. She knew the truth; she had accepted it for months now. And yet, somehow, she found herself drawn to that place, to see it, to force herself to realize something she was still fighting against.

When the hole on her stomach threatened to burn again, she turned the engine back on and drove off. She couldn't even cry anymore, she could only wish she could make it stop. All of it, the feelings inside of her, the thoughts in her head.

She was only five minutes away when a dark blur ran across the road and almost made her veer the truck on the trees. She hit the breaks as fast as she could and had to hold tight on the steering wheel to keep from going through the windshield. Bad time to forget the seatbelt.

When Jacob appeared from the woods, running and still fixing his cut offs around his waist, Bella felt her blood boiling. She stormed out from the car as fast and steady as she could.

"What the hell, Jacob! Are you trying to kill me or something?"

"No, but maybe I should so I could have a chance with you" he remarked with sarcasm while walking closer to her.

She leaned on the truck's door for support — her legs were still shaking — and frowned confused, "What?"

"What were you doing there?" he shouted, making her shrink, "Looking for him? He's GONE, Bella! They're ALL gone! They're not coming back ever again!"

She shut her eyes and shook her head, "Why are you—"

"Somebody's gotta tell you" he interrupted her and grabbed her by the shoulders to keep her focus on him, "You need to hear this, he is _not _coming back. Edward Cullen is gone. He left you!"

She fought her urge to crumple and cry, instead she started to pry her arms free from him, "Stop, Jacob!" she screamed at his face while pushing him away, "Just shut up!"

He was going to talk back again but she lifted a hand in the air, "No! I'm doing the talking now!" Her legs were shaking even more now and her chest was heaving. She tried to keep her cool by holding to the truck but she couldn't just quite yet.

Jacob wanted to speak again but he remained silent just watching her struggling with herself. He wanted to reach, to pull her close, to say he didn't mean it (even though he really meant it to say more), to calm her down and forget everything. But he didn't. He just watched her for a few more minutes.

"You can't talk to me like that" her voice was faint, but firm, "You can't… I know he's — they're gone. I know. But I can't just — forget."

"But—"

"If I'd left you" she asked with lonely tears streaming down her face and she breathed through her nose fighting her shivers, "Would you be able to wake up one day and just let got? Forget about me? It's too hard, Jake."

He took one step closer to her, "But you're not—"

"I'm trying. I can't, but I'm… I try. It's just too…"

"Why?" he took another step closer to stand in front of her and ducked his head so he could look her in the eyes, "Why is this so hard? Why are you fighting this?"

"I'm not" she said weakly.

"Do you love him?"

She looked up surprised by the question, "Yes."

"The same way?"

She thought her answer had been good enough and was even more confused by the other question, "No, I— I don't know. Yes."

"Yes or no?"

"No, Jacob!"

"Do you love me?"

"Jake…" she sighed tiredly.

He took her cold hands on his large warm ones, "I love you."

"I know" she whispered, "I just— I don't… I can't, this…" she was blabbering.

"I love you" he said it again, cupping her face with both hands.

She leaned her cheek on one of his palms and closed her eyes, "Jacob, please."

She closed her eyes because she knew what he'd do next and she didn't have the physical strength to even open the door to the truck. She didn't have the physical strength to fight him off. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to fight him off at all anymore.

It was soft and warm. She was expecting the desperate kisses she had had with him before, but this one was slow. He placed his lips on hers and started to slowly move them around, bringing her closer to him. One hand on the small of her back and one hand cupping her face kept her in place. Her trembling legs were trembling for a different reason, her stomach was on fire, but wasn't aching. She brought her hands to his face and kissed him back, just for a second. Their lips parted together and their tongues caressed each other, just for a moment. She was too confused, too messed up, and he was sure, he was going to make her realize what was missing.

Jacob moved his kisses to her cheek, her chin, her neck, her eyelids, her forehead and back to her lips all the while whispering 'I love you'. Bella felt the tears streaming down her face again and pulled back before he could say it again.

Their foreheads leaned on one another.

"I have to go."

"No."

"Jake, please, just let me go" it was almost a plead.

He held her close and wrapped his arms around her on a hug. His chin was resting on top of her head, "I don't wanna let go."

"Ok" her voice was muffled by his chest, "You can come with me but I have to go."

He slowly peeled himself from her and helped her get in the truck. Then he hopped on the passenger side and they drove back to Forks.

* * *


End file.
